floor 13

have you ever wondered whats beyond the elevator doors
on the 13th floor of the hotel?
if your lucky you wont notice.
10...11...12...14...15..
there is no 13.
and if you do notice.
that time from 12 to 14 seems so much longer,
like there is something behind the doors
is there a reason why you would hide such a floor.
perhaps a secret we arent ready for?
or just somebody always hopeing for it to become a secret.
the stairs just go from 12 to 14.
i heard about people going insane with shovels.
digging down from the 14 floor just to peak.
the elevator emergency brake startles the office.
stuck between 12 and 14.
always.
they open up the doors to discover an woman with no nails,
and a pool of blood... gushing from her finger tips.
screaming "where is it" over and over
where is he. her. or somebodies name.
most people believe its the modern door to hell
they want to save their once innocent soul.
the others believe it's a door to heaven... or another side.
the ghosts home.
what ever it is.
i wonder why they wanted to forget number 13.

Poisoned Hypocrite

everyday.
i breathe with lungs.
speak with voice.
and see with eyes.
my heart beats just like yours.
and yet i envy your steps.
i'm poisoned by thought.
drain of life.
i dont act anymore.
i just watch.
waiting for a chance to consume.
devour your identity.
become something i want to hate.
one by one i take you down.
by taking down myself
or did i just lose myself?
it's amazing,
what happens,
when you look in a mirror.

who'd i like to meet

she's the one that opens doors, and sees with her eyes close. the one that doesn't live in fear, and doesn't fear living. down to earth, mind in the sky. eyes like the ocean, never losing a tear. she know nothing is worth any part of her. she knows me like a worn book read hundreds of times, but everytime she reads... it's a different story. she like to think and learn, process and teach. she's my best friend and no word could break a heart. with ties as strong as hugs, and kisses that lock lips. nothing could ever tear us apart. if only she would find my love.

analogy?

SLAM the brakes.
you dont care. you never care.
you have seen every letter before.
every word before.
but what you need to take time thinking about is how each letter
comes together to create a word. and those word come together
to make something different. something amazing if every letter and word works.
otherwise it's can turn to be rather broken.
now imagine the earth, as a book.
humanity the subject.
continents are chapters,
paragraphs are states and countries,
sentences are cities, towns, capitals, villages, and outposts,
words are families.
and the letters are you.
there are billions of you.
letters,working together.
do you want your finished work to be that of so low quality,
that we would want to hide it in our book shelves?
or be proud of?
something to remember.
remember not a single letter can ever make a book.
for a book is composed of billions.
dont ruin it for all of us.

tunnels.

i crawl deep inside my head.
to escape the reality that you had made.
deep inside these tunnels.
that twist and turn, spaning across eternity.
faster and faster i push myself in to the darkness.
escaping the light of hell.
once i was afriad.
this dark, a natural enemy.
it read my mind, finding all my fears.
it kept me up all night.
these walls are consumed with it.
a childs imagination.
haunting sounds and surreal faces appear.
and disappear. within a blink. a breath. a heartbeat.
but these are just a child's toy. compared to the light.
inside, all this is... are my personal demons. angels. heaven. hell.
outside, i see....
darker and darker i crawl. deeper and deeper i see.
till there is no light in these cursed tunnels.
im losing breath. not even the precious oxygen will chase me down here.
everyone up there is devouring each other with newly found false hopes.
and lies.
down here. the only one here is me. and my mind. i surround myself.
dark walls project my thoughts.
i see everything you said you would see.
and never did.
my heart beats deep and heavy.
i can hear life.
not like you could.
you have no idea what it is.
not until you lay here.
looking up, or am i looking down?
maybe my eyes are closed.
as i listen the faces in the walls.
a open hand. something to hold on to.
i dont fade away like the memory of a happy ending
this story, i escape.
and nobody will know i ever existed.

Love me just not

my heart torn apart
lost out of love
slowly fading away
so say goodbye
with kiss goodnight
you were my only dream
now you're the cause pain
i love you;
you love me just not

1...2...3...

rain clouds in her eyes
something not alright
what makes her want to cry
what makes her want to die

her body poisened lighting
every move is threating
why does she want fighting
why is she so uninviting

her voice heavy with thunder
makes you wonder
who's blunder
has everyone six feet under

Pendulum time of a mind

Cross my fingers and hope to die.
all i want is my love. my plague.
a tradgey, in the mind of a mansion.
the perfect set awaits the cast.
anything could happen; this is no magic i assure you...
for this play in my mind is subject to bouts of imagination.
it paints the walls, or sucks them black and white, like the text of the script.
the script that pour from my mouth.
something unnatural, it is...nothing you ever seen.
a masterpeice!
priceless... trashcan worthy.
cover it up please...or soon we will be smelling the sweet but disgusting scent of rotting flesh.
the mind vanishes under the lid.
no more.
im washed up.
i've lost my mind.

Absence

so is this how the world ends?
with me, as i sleep.
i'm not self-conceided.
i'm self-conscience.
none of you matter.
none of you can matter.
try as hard as you want.
we all die alone.
everyone you once knew?
they do not exist.
reality?
lost.

Shallow Graves.

I feel like digging a hole and going to sleep, cold and alone.
maybe someone will care to notice i'm gone too late
in the morning, they'll find me.
and if they care, they will cover me up...
so i'll be warm and six feet under.

INTRO

hello god, it's me.
so many word too say, that i forget every single one of them.
im just a person who is losing all of his hopes and dreams one by one.
comsumed by reality
is it possible to suffer from asthenia without leaving the ground.
no rocketship, no fancy gear.
i just want to walk.
walk to the moon.
i dont care if you come along.
but you would have to leave everything you walk on behind.
could you do that?
walk to the moon?
dark from a sealed room is nothing.
dark from nothing is like a sealed room.
alone.
like my heart.
but my body only needs one.
and i dont think i'll every need another.
my heart is so out of tune they say,
but to me, i make unique music that nobody else can play.
i'm poor though. creativity never sells on the market.
hold your breath.
keep your toungue.
when i say what went wrong.
i could have been simple.
now i fear im too complex even for myself to fully understand.
i can't help but think constantly.
about everything.
from your good. and from your bad.
a waste to you. a burden for me.
i want different.
but how can i find it when we have limitations.
we create problems to create solutions.
human nature.
cancer.
insanity.
murder.
death.
they are all words.
problems we try fixing.
imagine a day without doctors. pyschos. or humans playing god.
god. thats a word too.
faith. hope. names. people. words.
all of them words.
forget string theory.
everything is made of words
words that could be put together to make promises.
promises that will break.
heaven.health.time.happiness.prosperity.
fill your lungs.
and unleash your toungue.
when i say what went wrong.

the salesman's story

she reminds me of how lonely she is
with every hug and smile
but her words are happy about with a boy she loves
i like to think those are words about me.
and i see how happy she is the second she sees me.
but she has built a brick wall to seperate us
that boy, her boy, a safe boy.
i wouldn't break her heart even if it meant to break my own
so goodbye my love
till then.

the motions

I'm crushed.
My chest has caved in.
I cannot breath easily.
Paralized my body starts to shiver.
My heart has stoped mid-beat.
My eyes, they cease to blink.
Frozen of fear.
I watch, I see, I feel.
Every detail.
Every aspects.
Every move.
Of every second
Until my eyes are closed

politics.

a man stands on the chair
a rope arond his neck
twisted tight into a hangmen's knot
only he has the choice
to take the leap for mankind

timeline

forever it lays
endless to my eye
a road, this road.
a straight road
me?
i am walking
i have never taken a step back
i can't
only forward.
a steady beat
a heartbeat
constant.
with every step i learn
something most fear
this knowledge tells me
there's an end
to this modest life
an end to this road
this road i walk
and soon it will end.
and I?
i will simply walk of the edge

forever.

Such a beautiful girl
Hidden from the world
There's no man with enough heart
With each one her's is ripped apart
Hopeless love leaves her sore
Her tears are for much more
Lost and alone inside
Invisible on the outside
Nothing is ever alright
Nobody can ever hold her tight

it's a dangerous world because of us.

all this ignorance has gotten on thier last nerves
break-lines cut and all these curves
not even their heart nor thier soul
could have saved them from losing control
the car crash, in slow motion, is so poetic
but nothing more would this pathetic
love can hate
hate can love
they show us a world undreamed of
as we walk their line of fate
on the old familiar hand
of those who teach us to understand

cauterize my heart.cause that where i hurt

i have half a mind
to spill my guts in the black and white
when love like ours is undefined
as beautiful as the queen of the night
take your reign of my heart
and change all this into a work of art
with those eyes and smile as your trade
below your balcony, a sweet song of seranade
please open your door today
i have something to say

Death.

i have this pain that happens every night
like there's somthing not right
as the night goes on, the pain becomes worse
my mind, body, and soul eaten alive by this curse
every night your not by my side, hand in mine
makes the day, another that won't ever shine
my heart is so cold
without you to hold
my heart won't beat
without being complete
i can not exist without your smile
won't you make life worthwhile
so i won't be alone tonight
can i hold you tight

an old friend in a mordern age

i miss you, a bit to much
i wanna kiss you, feel your touch
i need to hear you, solace my soul
i must have you, make me whole

just tell me your in love, then

to my dear juliet
don't you ever forget
here in my hand lays my heart
please don't ever tear it apart

M EAP PP

this house of mind has to many walls
but none you need to be concerned
all these was keep the roof still on my head
and if they were gone, the rain would certainly drown this hope
now everyone need some walls, but my house has to many
but each one is very nessessary, to stop the wind from knocking me down
these walls are what drive me insane,
these walls, i love to hate, i hate to love,
these walls are what keep me sane
these walls are everything i am, i do, i think.
but i wish i could say the same to you
and it still be as true.

Perfect syndrome

i met a beautiful girl today
within a breathe, my heart was claimed
she's not like the other girls before
i just need to know her a little more
but her smile made me feel so whole
and with her i would never lose control
because the feeling she gives is so pure
her eyes nothing short of demure
and a voice that leaves angels in desire
but least to say, this love will retire
and with all the other hopes and dreams
with my heart locked away with no damaged seems
today i met a beatiful girl
and within a breathe, my heart was ashamed

*sigh*

things like this take time
but this just wasn't worth it
everybody continues on with days
but i'm left alone to sulk
my mind corroding fast
due to the lack of happiness
joy i could have lived without before you
but now i'm dependent
an addict in secret
i lie to your face like nothing
because i love you
do you understand?
i hear you; you don't love me
but this is the only way
to keep us together
and i hate that i can only understand
what society tells me what is the best
so why can't i tell myself
that this is the best
your my friend and you are happy
as i am your friend
but why do i have to look for so much more
something that isn't necessary
the kisses, the hugs, and the drives of sex
all of which you hate


why can't things go perfect
why can't i just move on from you
why can't i be what you want.

please forgive me, for being so in love

just for you i will forget all the times,
that let me fall in love with the beautful miss,
not to listen to a deity would be a crime,
all thrown away, no memory to reminisce,
yet my felicity still lives with your smile,
as you walk away you droped the chain that tie,
time spent in this spell seemed to be worth worthwhile,
now our final word must be goodbye,
never to read this chapter of life again,
but to start a new one, minus the pain,
this was perfectly normal, we're not insane,
i'm so sorry i caught you alone in the rain,

what a wreak

i'm walking away in disbelief
without a memory of who i once was
a renewed man by experience
the price, a tragedy
i walk away from this accident
anticipating the next fortuity
pondering if this is when,
this line i walk
this linear life i live
will break for the best

penny wishing

i’ve fall deep in the well
and i won’t climb up
everyone out there
they don’t seem real
i took a jump
without knowing how deep
i’d fall in love
hold me tight
for when the rains come
don’t let me drown
i feel so safe
i feel so alone

no one else is down her with me
it is dark i can not see
the water is cold in the night
fluid in my lungs where air used to be
i can’t swim forever
please let me out
i’m a prisoner in you, to you
why am i here
how could my heart lie
in such a hopeful place
so much misfortune,
in a wishing well

something has changed.

i am so damn tired
maybe i will sleep awhile
and dream of decisions
that i haven’t made
were there any
any other way
is this love for the wrong girl
or is she my true pearl
but does my love burn for another
this on i do not own
is this a mask, a disguise, or a cover
something to hide me when i’m all alone
there is nothing to do
but i wish it were you.

hidden hopes.

why don’t you love me?
i thought you wanted something different.
and i want to be anything but normal.
your a reason why tears seep through eyes.
i left just a little hurt, i left to lick my wounds.
all these days pass, just a another dejavu.
anything and everything reminds me of you.
why was the last gift gave, the poisen of heartache?
i know this isn’t you.
or am i wishing the best.
am i making a mountain of this small mound.
i’d hope you would talk.
spill everything thing your holding.
rid yourself of a pain.
a pain i can only want us to feel,
together.

FEAR

it’s what keeps me up in the dark

it’s what keeps me away from the nightmare

it’s what keeps me from learning the forbiden

it’s what keeps me alive
_________________________________________

but when it’s gone, i’ll fall asleep

but when it’s gone, i’ll leave to hell

but when it’s gone, i’ll know the things you can’t

but when it’s gone, i’ll be gone

a circle journey.

i was reading some messages that i had saved.
some were from the anceint past.
some were of last hour.
but i came across one message, a message that that you had to write.
telling me your sorry... and we’ll never be.
but something hit me today
your not like the other girls i see.
i don’t feel for them as i feel for you.
your somebody i’d give it all for.
and i swear i think i’m speaking from my heart
so here it is.. i’m pretty damn sure what i’m feeling right now, is love.
and i’m pretty damn sure i love you.
i understand what your feelings are.
and i know you don’t feel that same way.
but i wish i could show you
show you my love
i wish i’d be your perfect man
one you didn’t need to trust
one that you just knew
the one without any rules but followed each one perfectly
this unconditional love...
they tell me there are other fish in the sea
but your the only fish i see
i wish you could just hear me out
if you give me a chance to listen.
you can have your chance to say the word you dying to say
you can tell me no,
and it can even be the first thing to say.
i’ll hear you out, if you got a reason
because i’ll never be over you
time builds this mountain
and i love you more and more each passing day
i just want to hear the same

a Kiss for the passionate curse

i wish there was a way,
for me to stay.
in your mind, before a fateful day.

the lips so fresh in thought.
a story that needed a new plot.
just for you, the old now forgot.

if i could i’d end everything,
just for our little fling.
you, my queen; i, a king.

the soul of the body so pure,
was a just hook for the lure.
a beautiful girl, my loneliness’s only cure.

twist the noose i fucking dare you!

nothing has change in my view of this
so what we kissed
but to you we were still friends
and now you think are relationship is over?
i don’t care if you don’t love me.
it doesn’t mean i can’t still find a friend in you.
so suck it up....because i see you making the drama in this circle.
picking fights with me to see if you can tear the ties that bind.
you had to make this difficult...
so here my purposal...
kill it right now...
this newly rekindled friendship
if you don’t know how to treat the situation
go ahead and erase me
but you may never destroy the thoughts of you i have

please stop just stop please

why do i still persist
in this one-sided battle
obviously against me
so why don't i retreat
and destroy all evidence
that i tried. it's the logical
thing to do.but i guess
you can't think right
under the influence
i tried and tried
to kick it to the curb
but as I do...
the addiction persists
stronger and more rooted
in my mindlike a parasite
feasting all my knowledge
so i can walk bluntly to my end
without relizing that i...
that i was my own end.

this goes much longer. a rant with ill references to drugs...so here is the short begining

she's like an addiction
the needle still pulsing in my vein
the drug sifting though my blood
affecting what i think, how i think
when she's gone
it's a ghost
come back to haunt me

i just wanted to see how much i could rhyme :)

we let this run our lives
each one of our lies
similar in compremise
close your eyes
count to five
drop the knive
tonight we both survive
another day we willl strive
let us decriminalize
there is a new prize
no it's not suprise
all you heard were their cries
all the cloulds are gone from the skies
we need to oversize
what underlies
we must improvise
ask all our whys
the best of implies
we must give rise
to our demise
say your goodbyes
slow down for advise
think before you despise
my replies
never disguise
what relies
on your mind; your unwise
please don't try
we're allies
i'm one of the nice guys
i'll see you next july
when love defies
my mind
i'll fall for those doll eyes

there is no ending to this. right?

i know that i can’t express myself clearly
i tried, you can’t say i didn’t
i’m not going to deny your effort
but your just not ready
and it took me a bit to understand
i feel insane for acting like i did
now i’m bottled up with guilt
and here’s my escape.
i’m pretty sure this is love i’m feeling and i feel like i need to follow this
but thats sounds a lot like lust... but i don’t think it is.
compared to the other girls what i want is less then what other people want in a relationship
i just want to be intimate
and no that doesn’t mean sex or intense emotions to me
it means to me just... just close
and not close like to your best friend
i still feel like we have to express love in one way or another...
but i still think i’m missing something....
what exactly are you not ready for
is it moving on?
are you lost?
are you still searching for who you are?

hell? alone?

am i dead.
the mask isn't working i can't cry
no matter how much i eat
i feel empty
my body feels sore
my heart isn't broken
i'm just heartsick
like i'm far away from where my heart is
and there isn't a way to pump the blood there
i feel like i'm slowly dying
but i'm fully alive
i can shut my eyes to pretend everything is perfect
but it's hell and i'm frozen
i'm stuck, i'm sick
laying in my death bed of immortality
unable to weep and grieve
just to look forward
as if i'm a prisioner of plato's cave
but there no light
and i'm blind...
i cant even see the truth you want me to see
your love has killed me.
and i'm dead
i'm here
in hell
thankyou

Mixed around.

written at midnight last night
the stars were so bright then
but know they hide so half the world to see
the world's a different place
when there's tylenol instead of air
and nyquil for blood
________________________

i breathe in
about to disrupt this din
sorry to interupt, but it's irgent
something is imerging from my heart
like it was struck by a dart, why must i grieve
but everytime you leave, i feel like crying
i'd love to hear your dying, to tell me the same
now i feel so lame, i needed to say this because
i'm sorry i made this fuss, but i love you
and i wish you would love me too.

i wish i could take your sadness away
i'll see you everyday, create a smile on that face
watch a movie at your place, and never see the end
tomorrow let's do it again, i'm here to make you happy
so if your day is feeling crappy, spend some time with me
don't forget to breathe, and hold my hand for a step toward a new life

Fatal traps of thought

i'm lost like the little kid it the woods
the clouds are like the reliablity of our words
i wish we could actually mean somthing
everything is so confusing
body language is a trick
and trust me; we're no magicians
so let's leave it to the professinals
the words that are conversed between us are a joke
i know the way this will lead
so why do we stand
why do i stand
for this repititon
these mistakes are the same
and so are you
and the person behind you
ahead of you
so what the point
your useless
i'm useless
but is this a fact or a reason
that i'm standing near you
there much better, that i can't have, till your gone
so why are we still here?

i know...

you're going to read this, well I hope you do...
I really like you, I might just even love you....
but I don't know who you are, or what you want...
how can I have feelings for you if your so nonchalant...
you have to tell me these things, or else I can't stop...
you will exhaust me to the point of where I'll drop...
it's not fair to toy with a boy who you have in your palm...
I get why you don't want me coming in visablitiy of your mom...
make my life easier, and throw me a fricken bone...
maybe I won't spend eternity alone...

i want to see you again.

so we can do today over.
i miss how my life once was.
and she broght me a peice of the past...
it was priceless.
i want more.
i want to love you.

a secret worth telling.

i'm with her almost everyday,
but each time i can not say.
she looks at me with innocent eyes,
soon i'll fill her with full with lies

the next day begins as this one ends,
maybe, over time she could understand and comperhend,
but till then i will be alone and afriad.
living in the past, thinking of what she'd say.

Why won't she give me a break?

She's killing from the inside
i'm about to split
she bringing down the axe
i know i'm going to die
some one bring a medical kit
i'm going to explode, i'm at the max

Battlefield.

will you ever come?
if you do.
come fast and nimble.
i'm down on the field.
wounded and in need of repair.
don't you dare forget your tool box
or else you will never fix the broke heart.
a heart that only half.
i need another piece.
to be complete.
would you be so kind.
to fix me up quick.
but i still feel empty
and it will still mean so much
if you were there holding my hand
as if time was in no hurry.
i'd look into your eyes
as the lite up the dark skys.
they be so bright
like the stars at night.
in front of everyone i ask,
won't you stay forever?

orginal postday January 1st 2008